Thoughts from my sick bed
I guess my mood isn't lifted by being six weeks into a four month hospital stay and facing the prospect of radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
But even taking that out of the equation, I haven't felt this depressed about the prospects for Labour since the aftermath of the 1992 defeat.
As it stands we are heading for reduction to a rump of 150-ish MPs and at least a decade in opposition. But if the expenses scandal is not addressed firmly then we could see a collapse of the party system in the way that engulfed Italy in the 1990s.
I'm shocked by the level of venality exposed this week and depressed that people I thought were selflessly motivated by public service have been casually using public money to secretly give themselves lifestyles far in excess of their published salaries.
The Labour Party in the shape of the NEC needs to move decisively to empower local party members to decide whether MPs implicated in the scandal are fit to represent Labour as candidates. A process of re- or where members want them de-selections is the only way to demonstrate that Labour is a movement owned by its mass membership and that our MPs are accountable for their actions.